HOW TO FIGHT

By: Kathleen McGowan

Published: Psychology Today; psychologytoday.com

KEY

1.      That “I am right and you are wrong”.

2.      Stupid.

3.      Becomes much worse.

4.      Without giving up.

5.      Because both sides feel it is absolutely unacceptable for the other side to disagree.

6.      The basic need that we all have to be close to and understood by the people we love most.

7.      A. Stupid arguments take the shape of loops; the subject of the argument leaps…..; wining the argument becomes…/ B. The argument has a beginning and an end.

8.      A. The feeling that you absolutely must get your partner to see it your way/ the feeling that you can’t shut up, can’t move on and can’t leave it. B. Because people have an irrational but powerful fear of being alone- of being misunderstood by people they count on most.

9.      Retort ( five star reference at this stage)

10.  That it ends.

11.  Conciliation doesn’t happen when two people are face to face. It happens in your head hours or days after the fight.

12.  The fact that many arguments never do get settled.

OPTIONAL FREE WRITING

Remember to initiate a discussion before students start to write. Ask them for their own contributions too. They might come up with the following ideas:

-          If you can’t control yourself, leave the room.

-          Look beyond the argument at the hidden motives of your opponent; those motives may have nothing to do with you (empathy, sympathy).

SUGGESTED TOPIC SENTENCE: There are various ways in which arguments can be prevented from spiraling out of control.

SUGGESTED CONCLUDING STATEMENT: Following these pieces of advice will prevent damaging, hurtful arguments.