A MILLION FIRST DATES

HOW ONLINE ROMANCE IS THREATENING MONOGAMY

By: Dan Slater;

Published: 10 January 2013; The Atlantic Magazine; http://www.theatlantic.com  Alternatively, just google the title and the author’s name.

Level of Difficulty: ***

BEFORE YOU READ

1.        What are some pros and cons to online dating? https://monkeysee.com/what-are-some-pros-and-cons-to-online-dating/

       Pros and cons of online dating https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKL0GM4-VGY

       The Beautiful Truth About Online Dating | Arum Kang & Dawoon Kang | TEDxUCDavisSF

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRWPqwyukGY

QUESTIONS

1.       What major difference did Jacob observe between big cities and smaller towns? Big cities provided …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

2.       What aspect of the way Jacob lived was a problem with his girl friends?

3.       What two mistakes caused his girl friend in Portland to leave him?

4.       Aside from being younger, more beautiful and sharing various hobbies with Jacob, in what additional way was Rachel different from previous girl friends?

5.       Jacob wasn’t unduly put out when Rachel broke up with him because …………………………….. (There are two answers; find both)

6.       In what way did meeting Rachel online change his attitude to the relationship?

7.       What is the function of the paragraph beginning “The positive aspects of online dating are clear…” and where else could you have this paragraph?

8.       What prediction has been made about the future of marriage?

9.       What is the reason for the above prediction?

10.   What condition would have led Blatt to get married and start a family?

11.   What aspect of modern life will have a negative effect on commitment according to Niccolo Formai? There are two possible answers; find them both.

12.   According to Noel Bidermann, what attitude of 20^th century man will negatively impact certain societal values we have so far held dear?

13.   Online dating sites have a vested interest in opposing commitment because………………………..

14.   How do the same websites try to entice previous users back to the site?

15.   How does Alex Mehr feel about the effects of online dating that came up in the study? What does he attribute commitment or the lack of it to?

16.   According to Schwartz, what is the main disadvantage of too many choices?

17.   Which of the three basic components of commitment will not be affected by online dating?

18.   What immediate conclusion can we draw from the chocolate example? What is the reason for this conclusion? There are two answers to the latter question; find both.

19.   According to Eli Finkel, increasing divorce rates are sometimes good in that …………………………, they can also be harmful  for……………………………………………………………………………………………..

20.   Gilbert Fiebleman doesn’t only blame internet dating for the attitude to commitment, he also blames …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

21.   Read the rest of Jacob’s story. What, in your view, is wrong with the way he lives? Discuss.

22.   For what three reasons do relationships that start online move quickly?

23.   The major disadvantages of a life style like Jacob’s are stated in the conclusion to the text. State clearly what they are. Then compare the answer to your answer to question 21.

WRITING TASK

Write an essay discussing the effects of online dating. Make use of the text and notes you make on any other research you do. The effects – as stated in the text – are as follows but you are welcome to add any others you discover. Remember also that the effects below are presented in a haphazard list; you will need to organize them into groups to break up your development.

1.       Internet dating has made people more disposable

2.       Internet dating may be partly responsible for the rise in the divorce rates

3.       Low quality, unhappy and unsatisfying marriages are being destroyed as people drift to internet dating sites.

4.       Our pickiness will increase

5.       The realization that there is no need to settle for a mediocre relationship

6.       Internet dating removes barriers to meeting

7.       Men may pursue more short term mates

A MILLION FIRST DATES KEY AND TEACHER’S NOTES

This is another highly topical issue yet it may look a little trivial at first glance; it is far from being so in fact. The text analyses the long term individual and social consequences of this new trend and draws some disturbing conclusions. The whole activity is bound to lead itself to discussion. There is a writing task as well which should be covered immediately after the text.

1.       Readymade social scenes

2.       His lifestyle which emphasized watching sports and going to concerts and bars.

3.       The fact that he made plans by negotiation and the fact that he was passive in arguments.

4.       She came from a blue collar military background and she placed high value on things he didn’t think much about: a solid credit score, a 40 hour work week.

5.       Having met Rachel so easily online he felt confident that he could always meet someone else; because he’d gone from someone … to being much more relaxed and comfortable about it.

6.       If he’d met Rachel off line and if he’d never done any online dating, he would have married her; OR he would have overlooked everything else and done whatever it took to make things work.

7.       It is the main idea; the thesis; what the text is all about. It could have been the first paragraph before the examples but this is better as this is an article not an academic paper. The example captures the readers’ attention.

8.       An overall decrease of commitment; OR marriage will become obsolete.

9.       Matching people up with great people is getting very (so) efficient.

10.   Mate scarcity. Living in Iowa is nonsensical because then the implication is that this is a problem we only see in Iowa and nowhere else, which would be wrong according to the rest of the text.

11.   The expectation of constant flow; over time you’ll expect constant flow; OR the goal to make everything faster.

12.   The security and confidence in our ability to find someone else, usually someone better.

13.   A permanently paired off dater means lost revenue.

14.   Lapsed users receive notifications informing them that wonderful people are browsing their profiles and are eager to chat.

15.   He disagrees with the prevailing view; to personality

16.   Thinking about the attractions of some of the options detracts from the pleasure derived from the chosen one

17.   The investment one has put into the relationship

18.   People are less satisfied when choosing from a larger group; the mere fact of having chosen from such a large set of options can lead to doubts about whether the choice was the right one; they are liable to become cognitively overwhelmed.

19.   Fewer people feel like they are stuck in relationships; children or even society as a whole.

20.   The internet

21.   Open ended

22.   Familiarity

23.    Is established during the massaging process ; if a woman is on a dating site there is a good chance she wants to connect; the sense of urgency.

24.   The last paragraph of the text. This paragraph also represents the writer’s view.